commitment | Peter Fletcher

What keeps you faithful?

March 30, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

What keeps you faithful? Image: Reverendo Franklin https://www.flickr.com/photos/49083998@N07/5204621989/

Johnny Cash once sang “Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” His song was intended to proclame his love and devotion to a woman. But in reality it was – as is so often the case with love songs – a declaration of an unhealthy relationship based on possession and a fear of loss.

Look at the words again. The reason he’d walk the line was because the subject of his song was “mine”. In other words he would be faithful to the other person for as long as they were his possession.

Take away the ownership and Johnny would no longer be walking the line. In other words, his fidelity required possession of another. The moment that possession was lost the the fidelity would cease.

But fidelity based on possession or the threat of loss is disempowering. It places the responsibility for your actions in the hands of another person.

A far more powerful way to express a promise of fidelity would be to say “I’ll walk the line because I’ll walk the line.” There is no reason needed or given and no justification, just a simple promise to be kept despite the circumstances.

So what keeps you faithful? Is it a sense of mutual loss or a simple commitment to keep a promise made?

What’s your Number 8?

March 25, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

You probably know I grew up on a farm. On a farm, farmers use wire. Lots of it. They use it to build fences and gates, to fix machinery and make kids toys.

There’s nothing that can’t be done with pliers and some Number 8 wire.

That’s why I’m writing this post on my iPad. Both my MacBooks, the ones I use to write my blog posts, are doing their best to die.

This iPad has turned into a piece of Number 8.

That’s the way commitment works. We take away the alternatives and the easy route. We find a way through difficulties. We create solutions. We keep moving forward.

But we never give up. Never.

Tomorrow, when your fence breaks, reach for a different tool, reach for your Number 8. Rather than being frustrated and annoyed and upset that something’s not working, go find something that is and use it and make it work for you.

Stay the course, stay committed. It’s the farmer’s way.

Six ways to keep yourself on track to achieve your goals

March 19, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

Commitments require us to keep grinding away. Eventually the chisel becomes sharp. Image: Infrogmation of New Orleans http://www.flickr.com/photos/infrogmation/3370682809/

Here are 6 ways I keep myself on track to achieve my long term goals.

Make a commitment. Commitments can become tedious. They mean hard work and nose to the grind stone and mindless, endless repetitions and actions. They take grit and determination and stick-to-itiveness. Know this at the start.
Have a theme. If there’s one theme to my writing it’s commitment. Start something then grind away until it gets done.
Don’t lose heart. Sometimes commitments can feel like your trying to hold back the sea. When you’re feeling down it’s important to just keep on doing what you said you’d do. Like a grindstone on a chisel, eventually the blade becomes sharp.
Make achieving your commitments a habit. The first action I take every morning is to drink a big, cold glass of water. That’s the signal to take the next step, which is to pull on my running shoes. And that’s the trigger to run. And…you get the idea. The commitment is achieved through surrounding it with habits.
Think ahead. But not too far. Thinking too far ahead makes the goal seem unreachable. Think ahead only far enough so that you set yourself up for the next step.
Settle in for the grind. To achieve your commitment means simply doing the next rep, running the next k, or writing the next word. None of this stuff is glamorous but it has to be done so settle in and do what you need to do.

10 tips for a long and happy marriage

January 7, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

Wedding ring quilt

Rita and I have been married for over 28 years. In this age of disposable everything that’s no mean feat.

Over those years we’ve lived and laughed together, done plenty of travel and supported each other through our highs and lows.

But just as a quilt isn’t made of one giant knot, a marriage isn’t made from one I Do.

After I Do the real work begins.

Here, then, are my 10 tips for a better marriage.

Marry your best friend. Before Rita and I became romantically involved we hung out as mates. We went to the circus together, kicked the footy together and cut laps together. (That’s what bogans did in Kalgoorlie in the eighties.) We were comfortable around each other long before our first kiss.
Have supportive routines. I make Rita a coffee every morning at 7am. It’s our way of starting the day together.
Make home-coming and departure a big deal. If I’m home first from work I greet Rita at the front door with a smile and a kiss. We leave for work with a goodbye kiss – everyday.
Have a goodnight routine. I always give Rita a kiss goodnight before heading off to bed.
Do your share of the cooking and the housework. That includes vacuuming, dusting, doing the laundry, dusting and cleaning the windows.
Tell your partner you love them – a lot. We say I love you multiple times every day.
Look for the best in the other person. I still love Rita’s smile and her infectious laugh. It makes me feel good inside.
Lose any sense of ownership of the other person. Recognise your interdependence and support each other’s life choices.
Make a big deal of milestones. That means remembering anniversaries, birthdays and other special days.
Make an extra-special big deal about milestone milestones e.g 5, 10, 20, 25 years. Celebrate what you’ve achieved.

What are your top tips for a happy marriage?

Photo credit: Eswift on Flickr

What keeps you faithful?

What’s your Number 8?

Six ways to keep yourself on track to achieve your goals

10 tips for a long and happy marriage

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