listening | Peter Fletcher

5 moments when silence is always the best option

July 22, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

There’s a time for words and a time for silence

Words can be powerful. They can influence and they can persuade. But in the same way the space between notes create rhythm, silence between words and sentences give people a place to pause, reflect and respond.

So, when are the best moments to be silent.

1. After you’ve asked for the order

The mark of a great sales person is how comfortable they are with the silence that inevitably occurs during a sales call. The tension is particularly evident immediately after the sales person has asked for the order. New sales people often mistake that silence for disagreement but the best option is always more silence. Avoid the temptation to fill in the silence with more words. It rarely works. Instead, sit still and quietly and listen. More often than not the answer will be yes.

2. When you start a speech

Nervous speakers hit the podium and start talking right away. The best option, though, is to pause. Look out over the audience. Make eye contact – then start speaking. That deliberate pause is the most powerful ways of getting attention at your disposal.

3. When you’re listening

Nothing says you care more than active listening. That means eye contact and it means nodding. But it also means attentive silence. Your friends, your family and your customers will thank you for your willingness to be silent.

4. When the people you’re trying to sell to are debating the purchase

Purchase decisions – especially for those who aren’t experienced negotiators – can be stressful. That stress can cause couples and buying groups to argue amongst themselves. When that happens it’s almost always unwise to say anything. Instead, stand back, listen and let them talk. Don’t interrupt. Often arguments are a way for people to slow the decision making process down. And the reason they want to slow things down is they love what you’re selling. But the more they debate the closer they are to a decision. Right now silence is your best friend.

5. When emotions are running high

When emotions are running high words are rarely helpful. On the other hand silence soaks up anger like a sponge and it gives sadness the space it needs to transform into joy.

What moments have I missed?

Photo: Alias 0591 on Flickr

7 tips for being more effective

July 17, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

Listening is a key strategy for being effective. So is being your own dog.

If you want to be more effective try these simple strategies.

Take responsibility for what’s happening in your life. Sometimes it’s tempting to blame other people for how we feel or our lack of results but ultimately it’s a disempowering way to live. Instead, when things don’t go to plan, look for what you could change that might lead to a better result next time. If you blame someone else nothing will change but taking responsibility means you’ll be able to make meaningful changes that will give you a different – and hopefully better – outcome next time.
Lose your smartphone. Your smartphone won’t help you eat dinner or drink beer. Nor will it help you focus on what’s being said in a meeting. Why’s this important? Because people love having our undivided attention. They love knowing that we care enough to listen intently to what they have to say. Checking your phone every few minutes creates a distraction and denies your friends and work colleagues from you being your best.
Pay attention. Related to the previous point give what you’re doing your full attention. If you’re in a meeting concentrate on what’s being said and especially so if the meeting is boring. People love working with sharp, engaged people. Be one of those people.
Don’t interrupt. Get into the habit of listening. Avoid the temptation to interject especially with your version of the other person’s experience. Just listen. Nod, ask questions, maintain eye contact (without staring) and let the other person know you understand what they have to say. People love people who listen.
Get rid of negative people. Life’s too short for negative people. Get rid of them. Toxic relationships and negativity will drag you down. And don’t believe it when people say they’re going to change. Instead, believe it when they have changed.
Be your own dog. Start living your life on your terms and your schedule, not someone else’s. Want a good place to start? Turn off social media and email notifications on your smartphone. Set up your own schedule of checking your email and Facebook. People love people who are drivers of their own life. Be one of those people.
Don’t be a whinger. No-one likes a whinger or a whiner. Decide today to replace complaint with action. If you don’t like something do something. If you’re not willing to do something you then what you’re complaining about isn’t really important. Now start looking for something positive, supportive and encouraging to say. Be a positive influence in your own life and in the lives of those around you.

What are your tips for living a more effective life?

Image: Zach Dischner on Flickr.

How to build instant credibility – even when you’re a rooky

June 2, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

Are you new to real estate? Are you already tired of being beaten by older pros who’ve been in the business for years? If so, you’re not alone.

As a new real estate sales person I copped the same as you’re experiencing now. I’d do all the ‘right’ things, tried my hardest but still I’d get beaten by people who had more experience than me, which was just about everyone in town.

There had to be a better way!

Desperate, I turned to the sales gurus. People like Tom Hopkins and Zig Ziglar who taught people like me that the answer was to know the scripts and dialogues for every conceivable objection.

I practiced until I knew my stuff. If someone asked me if the swing set stayed I’d asked them if they wanted it included. If someone told me they thought the home was too dear I’d restate their feedback as a question and ask them how much they thought they the property was worth. Then I’d ask if they wanted to put that feedback to the owners in writing.

The only thing that separated me and Tom Hopkins was he wore a crushed velvet suit!

And while Tom’s scripts and dialogues worked they never really ‘worked’. There was something missing and something about them that placed a barrier between me and the client.

Then I came across the idea of being present – really present – to my prospective clients. Rather than treating them as a prospect to be converted or a sale to be closed I now looked at them as person with needs and wants and dreams. Instead of manipulating the conversation to get them to list with me I asked them what they wanted to do. Then I listened. I listened to what they said and what they didn’t say and asked them how they wanted me to help.

Quickly, sales calls turned into human conversations, market appraisals turned into discussions about, travel and football and the Celestine Prophecy. Selling was no longer selling, it was serving. And the results followed. I listed more, had more fun and enjoyed my real estate more.

And from there the stories stared to flow. I had stories of success to tell prospective sellers. These were stories about the pointed to the wisdom of pricing a home well, presenting it smartly and of getting the timing right. Every time I told a story it was no longer me telling people what to do – they were choosing to act based on their interpretation of what they heard.

So, if you’re struggling to get up and running in real estate do these four things:

Listen as though your life depended on it. Listen with the intention of understanding the other person’s needs, wants and motivations. Ask lots of questions and then shut up. Listen.
Throw out the scripts and dialogues. They’re great but in the end they’ll stop you from creating a deep connection with your client. They make you present to your own needs and not to the needs of your client. Ditch them and start listening.
Be needs focussed. If you listen well you’ll pick up on the real needs of the customer. They might want to sell but really they need another bedroom. An extension may be a better option. Listen to their needs then help them create options and solutions. If one of those options is using your services that’s great, if not they’ll appreciate your support.
Create stories. People love stories because they help them make sense of their present. Sharing relevant stories is the fastest way to explain complex ideas about pricing and moving in the same market. And don’t be afraid to use other people’s stories – they don’t all have to be yours. Simply state where you got them from and why their relevant and you’re good to go.

So, if you’re new to real estate, don’t be put off by the guns of the industry. Start listening and creating stories and you’ll soon be writing all the business you deserve.

7 unconventional behaviours of inspiring leaders

January 29, 2014 by Peter Fletcher

Young women listening to a course on leadership

Great leaders listen and learn. Image: Fundatia Leaders http://www.flickr.com/photos/44692724@N07/

It’s one thing to be a good manager but another altogether to be a leader who inspires people.

One is safe and gets things done slowly, the other empowers people to live life with excitement and purpose.

Yet being a great leader isn’t easy. It takes a mixture of learned skills and natural abilities.

According to Ekaterina Walter, inspiring leaders routinely behave in the following quirky ways.

1. The play devil’s advocate
They ask questions that provoke people to think about their work. They demand that people explore their assumptions and rake over the coals of the ideas campfire. Around an inspiring leader you’ll hear ‘why’ a lot.

2. They take the blame
They’re quick to accept the blame for their team’s poor performance. And when things go well they’re just as quick to shine the spotlight on their team members. Inspiring leaders protect their team and are humble about their own achievements.

3. They couldn’t care less about conventional wisdom
Saying that’s it’s never been done to a true leader is like waving a red rag to a bull. They look for ways to route around or through a problem. They look for solutions from other industries and from their life experiences.

In an interview I asked a prospective employee to tell me a story about being innovative. She told me about buying kebab skewers from a marketplace in New Guinea so she could serve her dinner guests. From that point forward I knew she’d find creative ways to solve problems. She never let me down.

4. They listen intently
In meetings they ask questions – lots of them – then they shut up and listen. Good leaders don’t need to hear their own voices to feel good about themselves.

5. They intentionally seek diversity
Great leaders go out of their way to surround themselves with strong, independent people who are willing to bring a unique perspective to a team. They don’t want or need yes people. Instead they encourage diversity of thought and opinion and empower those around them to speak their minds.

6. They invite naiveté
Great leaders are always learning. They look for answers in strange places and they’re humble enough to know they don’t have all the answers. They’re always asking ‘why’ and ‘why not.’

7. They disappear
Knowing their limits, good leaders take time to unwind and recharge. They create spaces in their lives that release their creative spark.

It’s nothing to find a great leader involved in an unusual hobby or learning a new skill.

Do you know an inspiring leader? What unconventional behaviours do they display?